Most people have a false definition of humility. Humility is not someone walking around with their head hanging down, letting others walk all over them while singing, “No body knows,” every other week. Humility is not someone who is quiet all the time – i.e. just because they’re quiet then they must be humble.

True Humility is simply walking in obedience to God.

It’s lifting up holy hands and saying “Yes, Lord” to a great God whom you trust with your life and all your decisions.

It’s going where He says go, and doing what He says do, without second guessing Him or questioning Him, but knowing that He loves you and only wants what’s best for you and believing that He holds your future and is the one who gives you peace and an expected end (Jeremiah 29:11).

Esther had to believe this to be true of Mordecai, the authoritave figure in her life who raised her since birth – she had to believe that Mordecai held her best interest at heart and that he truly loved her, so she obeyed his every command as to how to prepare to be presented to and ultimately chosen by the king with the ultimate goal of delivering the jews.

In a similar sense, you want to walk in humility towards God and in relationships.

Not saying one must exude force over another, for the Word says you are to submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God (Ephesians 5:21). What I’m speaking of is not always having to have the last say in an argument in order to “win.” Sure you may have gotten the last word in, but what kind of strain have your hurtful words now caused your relationship? The Word admonishes us that whenever possible, we are to follow peace with all men (Hebrews 4:12). Instead of getting up in some man’s face in order to prove a point, you want to follow peace, and take it to God first, and allow God to tell you how you should handle the situation.

Obeying God and seeking Him first is true humility.

As singles, the way we obey God and humble ourselves before Him may be an indicator of how we will behave in future relationships.

In other words, right now as a single, is it always Your Way or Yahweh?

Do you have to have your way all the time?

Can God trust you with seeking His face, reading His Word consistently and doing His will instead of your will? The more you spend time with the Lord in prayer, the more He may instruct you of certain things to do with your life, whether it’s cutting off certain relationships that you know aren’t from God, changing the words that come out of your mouth, or challenging not necessarily what you say but how you say it.

In prayer, remain open to the Spirit’s leading and ask God to search your heart and fix and cleanse you in any area. The Word remains us to examine ourselves in 2 Corinthians 13:5 (i.e. it’s not always someone else’s fault) and it is in that place of constant self examination and consistent obedience to God – which is true humility- that we will continue to have favor with God and man.

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In other words, how can a Christian couple date and “Stay Saved” on Valentines Day?

I’m glad you asked. In my new book, How to Date and Stay Saved, I answer this question and also explain how to date God’s way and in His proper order and how it is possible for a couple to meet, date, and enjoy a romantic relationship while not having sex until after he ‘put a ring on it’ and marries you.

Below I share 7 ways to date and “stay saved” on Valentine’s Day.

1. Date in Public.
Most people aren’t inclined to ‘get their groove on’ in a public place where the public is watching. Dinner and a movie on Valentine’s Day is nice and also romantic.

2. Date to encourage dialog.
As you date in public, gather information about the person you’re dating. Seek friendship before romance. Constant verbal communication during the date also helps prevent ‘holy hands’ from roaming.

3. Dress modestly.
Valentine’s Day is already set up to be a romantic night on the town, so the flesh is already ready to receive something even before the date begins; ladies, don’t give it any more stimulus such as wearing a low cut blouse exposing the girls or a super tight ‘booty hugging’ skirt. That man is already in a trance about how fine you are so don’t be a stumbling block to him during your date. As much as we love a nice compliment, focus on dressing modestly yet still attractive and stylish.

4. Turn Luther off!
As you and your date converse, there may be music playing in the background, such as during the car ride. Instead of playing “Maxwell” or something else meant to get you ‘in the mood’ instead play gospel music such as gospel jazz or praise and worship. Doing this sets the environment and it keeps your mind focused on above. I have a saying: Music is like a ride, it’s meant to take you someplace, so don’t allow the music you listen to during your date take you somewhere you don’t want to go.

5. View each other as brother and sister during your date.
Would you take your sibling home after a night on the town in order to ‘get it on’ like Marvin Gaye? Remember that you’re brothers and sisters in Christ, first, before you will ever be anyone’s spouse or bedroom partner so treat each other accordingly.

6. No ‘late in the midnight hour’ dating at home.
As tempting as it may seem, and no matter how fine he may look especially after he ‘wines and dines you’ (with sparkling apple juice, of course) on your date topped off with a serenade by the lead singer at the restaurant as your date professes his love for you in front of a bunch of strangers, don’t invite that man inside your home afterwards, and by all means, don’t go to his place. The night has been too perfect and the holiday is already set to be topped off with a roll in the hay. Instead, after you date in public, once he takes you home kindly thank him for a wonderful night and get inside!

7. If you insist on continuing the date after he has dropped you off at home, call or text him.
That way you can still verbally communicate with each other and finish your date, instead of having him come over and you wake up in the morning regretting what went down the night before.

Kim Brooks is the author of, How To Date and Stay Saved. Visit www.DateAndStaySaved for free gifts and excerpts.

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Just in time for Valentine’s Day, View Video Below:

This is not just a book…it’s a MOVEMENT!

Join in! For more info. visit its exclusive website: www.DateAndStaySaved.com

Pre-order your copy today!

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A video clip aired recently on ABC Nightline stating that 70% of black women are single and that there are over 1.8 million more black women than black men. It also reports 42% of black women have never been married, and that a large number of them will remain single as there are currently 12 women to every 1 black male.

Upon first reading that report it’s easy to feel disheartened and get in a funk. However, we must remember that based on the billions of people in the world, as you believe God for a mate, remember -- You only need one. Also, I want to submit to you, to counteract their report -- “Whose report, will you believe?”

Sometimes when you’ve been single for so long you begin to get comfortable in your singleness.

I remember speaking to a wonderful woman of God who was in her early forties and still single saying, “I’ve just given up.” I was crushed listening to her words because, to me, was she not only giving up on ever being married, but she was also giving up on the one thing that we, as believers, should never, under any circumstances, give up on -- and that’s hope.

It’s quite alright to desire marriage, and it’s even okay to believe it can happen for you. However, you don’t want your desire, to turn into an anxious care (Philippians 4:6), or even a want.

The Word of God reminds us in Psalm 23:1, The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.

The word, “want,” in this passage of Scripture means, “to fail, want, lessen, (have) lack, make lower, want.” In other words, it indicates that something is missing in one’s life, however with God on your side you already have every thing you could ever need.

Instead of “wanting” a mate, I submit to you that you instead, “expect” a mate.

Expect God’s promise to come to pass in His season for your life since He promised to give you the desire of your heart in Psalm 37:4 as you continue to delight in Him. A lot of times, if you’re seeking the face of God and in His presence in prayer consistently, then it’s He who put the desire for marriage in your heart in the first place.

Expect God to be true to His Word and see yourself that blushing bride on your wedding day, and even, see yourself, now, as that virtuous woman and loving wife who is a crown to her husband who will do him good and not evil all the days of his life (Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 31:12).

Envision and become her now, as you believe God for a mate, and in the meantime become the best you today and use this year to really focus on what God has called you to do and get to know your Heavenly Father even more this year through prayer, praise and worship, and service to Him and His people.

Become as much like Jesus as you can this year -- no, not so you can snag a man, but so that God will be pleased with you and so your life will be fulfilled.

Don’t be hopeless, don’t give up on hope -- again remain hopeful and stay in a state of expectation that God will do what He said He would do in due season as you really trust, depend on, and rely on Him.

Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)
-Hebrews 10:23

Click here to view the much-talked about video clip:

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She then went on to say that the more she went out with him and got to know him,
the more she liked him. She discovered that his life’s mission to fight for freedom
and equality was similar to hers. Already an accomplished concert performer, having
graduated from Antioch, Coretta was asked by Dr. King if she could see herself
married to a Southern minister. She figured that if she did, she would have to take on
the role as a preacher’s wife and he would want a wife to come home to, and not one
off traveling doing concerts in different countries. So she had a choice to make.

She chose Martin.

And boy did she make the right choice!

Not only was she able to accomplish her dream in assisting him with the fight for
equality, but a lot of times as they toured different countries, such as their trip
to India in 1959, she was invited to sing for many groups in cities, towns, and villages
throughout India. Hence both their dreams came true – together. (Vivian, Octavia.
Coretta, The Story of Coretta Scott King. Mnneapolis, MN: Augsburg Fortress, 2006.)

Single people, it is so important that you find out where your potential mate is headed
in life. Find out their dreams; find out their purpose; and see where and if you would fit.

Ladies, talk about that man’s life mission, and see if you can “see yourself” fitting
into that puzzle being his helpmeet.

For example, if the two of you are at a restaurant and he tells you he’s called to
live in Africa for 10 years on the mission field, and you can’t see yourself willingly
going along with that man helping him (and not grumbling and complaining about the
living conditions or insects) then don’t waste that man’s time or yours. Don’t determine
in your mind that you’re going to marry him, then try and talk him out of it after
you’re married.

That’s not right.

We live for our dreams, and shattering one’s dreams is like shattering a person’s soul.

Instead of misleading someone for the sake of “having a good man,” simply tell him you’re
not called to Africa, and decide to be just friends or go your separate ways.
The man God has for you will come along in due season. Just be patient, know what you’re
looking for, know what your dream is (i.e. know your own purpose and work on it now while
you’re single), then when you meet the next one, talk about the direction your lives will
be headed. Talk about the present, talk about the past, and talk about the future.

Amos 3:3 says, Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

Marriage is a collision of two destinies and two dreams, working together to make them
come true, which leads to total fulfillment.

It’s not enough that that person is “saved” and that’s it. What’s their mission?
What’s their dream? What’s their purpose? And can you see yourself walking with that
person on this journey called life together?

Just think if Coretta would have written Martin off because he was too short?

It would have been a huge mistake.

Try not to write someone off because of superficial attributes one can’t change such as
their height or complexion.  As believers, we’re supposed to be more concerned with the
heart, right? But how many people actually take that into consideration when choosing a
mate?

Not saying that the person has to be totally unattractive to you. You want someone who
is pleasing to your sight, especially since this is the person you’re going to wake up to
every morning. All I’m saying is, when considering someone, consider their integrity,
their character, and their purpose in life.

In doing so, you may meet and marry your dream man or woman, and you two can then make
each other’s dreams come true together.

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